Well folks, another week, another depressingly bad film from Bollywood. As if disappointment surrounding the failure of Shah Rukh Khan-Juhi Chawla venture One Two Ka Four wasn’t enough, now the audience is subject to a torturous David Dhawan film that, in a word, is bad.

Jodi No. 1 stars Sanjay Dutt and Govinda as Jai and Veeru, two conmen who pick a fight with the wrong man, a villainous mafia don Sir John, by killing his brother during an altercation at a casino. Sir John sticks his entire army of henchmen on the troublesome twosome, not to mention the police, and a cross-country chase ensues. Fleeing from trouble, they meet a rich businessman Rai Bahadur (played by the ever dependable Anupam Kher), whom they also con by having Jai impersonate his NRI nephew. Things, it seems, aren’t as rosy for the wealthy industrialist, who is knee deep in financial problems, and as a result, suffers a heart attack – causing him to appoint Jai as in charge of his business and property. Jai, after a change of heart (a malady that effects most protagonists in Hindi films), decides to help the geezer out, leaving the audience wondering whether or not Jai and Veeru’s identities will be revealed (Think long and hard folks – if you’re an avid Bollywood fan, you should be able to figure out the utterly predictable ending). Where do the heroines Twinkle Khanna and Monica Bedi fit in? Well, good question. As glorified extras in the film, they flit in and out of songs and trendy outfits, stick around for a comedy sequence or two, and then disappear. But hey, they look good doing it. Even Monica Bedi, who isn’t really all that beautiful, looks nice in her glam doll getup.

David Dhawan needs to retire! Sure, he’s had some moderately funny fare in the past, like Deewana Mastana, but his films of late have been forgettable fare. His movies look tacky and low budget, and he really is an overrated director in my opinion. In the form of comedy are crude jokes and lame brain attempts at “slapstick comedy”. If directors want to copy from Jim Carrey films, they should pay closer attention, because Jodi No. 1 isn’t even in the league of Me, Myself, and Irene, one of Carrey’s worst films. By intermission, I needed a bottle of Tylenol or some serious hard liquor to ease the pain. The plot, besides being extremely predictable and just not funny, is laughably bad and, at times, makes absolutely no sense. A preschooler could have come up with a more interesting story.

The sole plus point of the film comes in the form of the Govinda and Sanjay Dutt jodi, which is truly number one. The two actors share great chemistry and their attempts to rise above the manure-pile script is commendable. Sanjay Dutt especially surprises with great comic timing. Newlywed Twinkle Khanna in her first film since marriage to Akshay Kumar sports the good looks she displayed in Joru Ka Ghulam and manages to keep up with Govinda in the dancing department. Her role, however, amounts to barely anything, as she’s just there for some bad comedy and a few songs. Monica Bedi, paired opposite Sanjay Dutt in a role which originally went to Sonali Bendre before she dropped out, has even less of a role than Twinkle Khanna but then, did you expect her part to be all that big? She’s playing second fiddle to Twinkle Khanna for god sakes, who is pretty B-grade herself, despite her efforts to rise to the ranks of the A-list actresses. On the positive side, Bedi has improved upon her looks a bit and has even managed to look nice in parts. Her next major film release is Rajiv Rai’s Pyar Ishq Aur Mohabbat (I wonder how she got these high profile films after B-grade flops like Aashique Mastane, Tirchi Topiwale, Sikandar Sadak Ka with Mithun, and Kaala Samrajya – can we say mafia connections?)

Music by Himesh Reshammya is catchy in parts, especially “Laal Chunariya Vali Pe Dil Aaya Hai”, but nothing to shout about. Dhawan manages a chuckle here and there, but in the end, we’re left with yet another massively hyped, unsatisfying film. Dhawan’s films have never really made sense, but this hopeless movie really takes the cake for aiming for the lowest possible common denominator. What makes the film’s situation even worse is the fact that I had enjoyed Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s nice romantic comedy Jhoot Bole Kauvva Kaate, with Anil Kapoor and Juhi Chawla. JBKK is a nice film with a clever plot and some genuinely funny scenes. You want comedy? Rent this Anil-Juhi starrer and forget about Dhawan’s latest flop. Or wait for Priyadarshan’s Yeh Tera Ghar Yeh Mera Ghar, a film which promises to be a real comedy. I’d tell you to watch Jodi No. 1 with low expectations, but then, that’s exactly what I did.