Bad vibes. Bought the tape practically years ago, and still couldn't bear to listen to it. Sheesh! Just look at the cover! A seventies' picture, and of all people, Mamta is on it !

To be fair, I decided that when I finally watched the movie, I would at least watch 1 minute of it before fastforwarding.

Kuhla (Krishana) is stinking drunk and is trying to commit suicide (note: only presence of humor in film, aside from the idea of this movie becoming a hit). Kads (Kadar Khan), a poor street guy (one of those 'Mere pocket mein paise nahin hai, magar mera sachcha dil aur meri imaandaari mera sab kuch hai, Bhagwaan mera sab kuch hai' guys) saves him and Kuhla takes him home to 'love him and kiss him and take care of him and play with him allllll day' (methinks Kuhla is suffering from Looney Tunes overdose).

Moving on, Kuhla lives in a mansion -- no, to call it that would be downsizing the magnitude of the house. He lives alone, drowns out his sorrows with alcohol and songs, blahblah. He goes to his office and hires Rahul Royboy to be his accountant or something (who cares), thereby giving him Shakti Kapoor's highly-regarded position (Gunda [with a great pair of glasses, for sure] of the film). Yes, Kuhla WAS stinking drunk when he hired Toyboy. Maybe he thought Toyboy was a girl. I did.

Toyboy is married to Mamta Kuhli-karni (Pooja). Kuhli was Kuhla's mehbooba (a match definitely made in.....yes, a restaurant). Khula finds out, and drinks some more. Flashbacks, songs, fights.

Kuhla was a lowly mechanic, Khuli was just lowly, ugly, and rich. Instead of doing something constructive, they decided to fall in love and want to become more kuhla (marriage). Khuli's pops said no, you are too poor, blahblah, go make some money. Khula did, pops burned the letters, Kuhli got married to sooka saraa Toyboy (they didn't want to run out of food in the house). Kuhla came back, found out, and has been drinking ever since.

Kya suspense hai. Vah. Kya naseeb hai. Vah vah.

They meet again, sing some rohna dhona songs, tried to fit into some ridiculous clothes, fight some, Toyboy was lucky enough to get some dialogue (it's been years, we know, we know), a lil too much philosophy, and too much whining and dragging on about nothing (though it was only a bit over two hours).

I lied...I fastforward the songs, and only managed to listen to about 30 seconds of some of the songs, though not all were bad (sorry, but seeing Mamta Kuhli Kuhli and Chichi Kuhla Kuhla doing some ridiculous Kuhle Kuhle steps really ruined the songs. A fabulous song must be the song sung at Chichi's b-day bash....'Tum hi ne meri zindagi kharab ki hai, ab something something maine sharab pi hai'. Hit song, for sure. If Mamta Khuli Khuli came into my life, meri zindagi bhi kharaab ho jayegi. Sheesh, watching Mamta dress up as a seventies' peacock or something, flopping around, was bad enough...

I felt like I was watching a seventies movie. Chichi's moustache, though extremely sexy, was borrowed from Mamta's pop's face (or Mamta's). Rahul Toyboy is from the eighties....and sheesh! Dialogue delivery was excellent! He just needed to learn Hindi.....and put some FEELING into his voice.....and not stand like a corpse....and brush his lumbe lumbe kaale kaale zulfe from his receding hairline (and take some fashion tips from Anil Kapoor in Jhoot Bole Kauva Kaate)... and try to ACT....and he could be nominated for a National Award. Mamta, well, she's on the same (sinking) boat. A fabulous comeback after 30+ years, and even during those years, didn't gain a lick of acting, talent, makeup tricks to compensate for great lack of looks or decent hair, film offers, dancing skills, and surely not a lick of weight.

I would go on about the greatness of this film, but I don't want to ruin such a fabulous movie for you (not like there isn't much more to say or anything). Serious movies just don't cut it for Chichi, and movies themselves just don't cut it for Kuhli baby or Toyboy.

And after so much philosophy and vagera vagera, I sit, pondering upon the great question:
Mere naseeb mein bas yehi movie thi kya?
Iss movie ke naam hona chahiye tha Bad-Naseeb, dono Bollywood aur hum sab bechare movie viewers ke liye.